Alright, let me write this down, just in case anyone stumbles across this text in a couple of years and wonders what the fuck is going on here. So. At the end of 2015, beginning of 2016, a group of militia men started an armed occupation of the visitor center of a federal wildlife refuge, in order to fight the “tyranny” of the federal government of america. Sadly, the tyranny didn't give two shits about it, and so the freedom fighters spent their days freezing in the cold, running out of supplies and generally being miserable. Through online videos, they kept asking for supplies such as “cold weather equipment” and “gear” (also, “socks”), and the internet answered by sending them a lot of sex toys. That's just how things go.

Now, this text, albeit entirely fictional, is a logical conclusion of these events, at least in my mind. It contains casual gay sex, gratuitous female masturbation and rednecks. Be warned.

No sex toys were hurt in the making of this story, though.